Life...

...is nuts.  I'm barely keeping my head above water over here.  And in the last 3 days, I have deactivated my Facebook account and quit BSF.  Not my finest moments, believe me.  Let me back up slightly....

School is kicking my butt - big time.  Sometimes I think the NVCC Nursing program might rival Harvard's Medical school program.  I wonder, often, why the heck I am in school.  I know one day I'm going to make a great nurse.  I know I'm going to one day love my job, love helping to deliver babies, love leading staff and maybe even love to teach baby student nurses one day.  I know it.  I just can't see it right now.  My vision is so blurred by papers, presentations, case studies, lectures, outlines and study guides.  I get so stressed by the littlest things sometimes that it makes me feel so sorry for me kids.  I'm home with them 3 full days a week, but I don't really feel home with them.  I long for the day that I can play with them the whole day and not worry about how much of Chapter 47 I still have to read.  Or how I'm going to be up soooo late cramming useless information into my brain.  My only hope is that they won't remember this time.  That all they remember about their Mom is that she was an actual nurse, not a student nurse. 

I had to take quite a few steps back this week and get back to the basics.  I decided that Bible Study Fellowship was not something I could fully commit to every Wednesday any longer.  This.breaks.my.heart.  My life has been changed throughout these Wednesdays over the last 3 years and it pains me that I can't make it work this year.  It was just too much.  With the kids in gymnastics Wednesday afternoons, it was becoming a full day out of the house (and essentially away from the books).  I was really enjoying the study of Acts this year, but I didn't want to participate just to cross it off my list of things-to-do everyday.  I want to realllly be present for my lesson and my small group time.  It's not fair to anyone for me to not give it my all.  I'm still committed to finishing Acts and am trying to be dedicated in my reading.

Facebook also didn't make the cut.  This was hard for me because I'm basically addicted.  I'm not one of those casual FB users...I'm full on committed.  Ya know, go big or go home....that's my motto.  It was becoming too distracting for me and I decided that my time could be better spent by playing with my kids, reading a textbook or reading Acts.  I'll go back to it eventually, I just really needed a break. 

On another, lighter note.....I have felt that God has really made me so aware of all my blessing during this crazy time.  Scott is SO supportive of me, my Mom and Dad watch my kids 2 full days a week and sometimes for a few hours here and there on other days.  The days my Mom is here she does my laundry and dusts AND vacuums....I never would ask this of her (in case you're wondering), she just does it to be helpful.  Just thinking about it makes me cry....I'm so blessed to have family that helps me and supports me.  This is definitely a team effort and I won't be who I am without them.  And even though this semester has been super challenging, my grades are actually good...haha!  I feel God really encouraging me and nudging me along.  And believe me, I need it. 

So that's a little update on me.  I know this is sort of like a journal-entry as opposed to the typical post, but I really wanted to capture the moment.  I hope to one day laugh at this post.

Oh, and I'm already thinking about the graduation party that I must have.  It's going to be one heck of a good time.  Vegas, anyone?  You're all invited.