Humbled

Before I even stepped foot on a Maternity floor as a Student Nurse, I was convinced I knew it all.  I had had 3 kids, raised them for 5 years, 3 years and 18 months and had felt that I had done a decent enough job to this point.  I probably told everyone and their mother, that I was MADE to be an L & D nurse.  It was my calling.  It was ALL that I wanted to do.  I could tell you lots about pregnancy, giving birth by c-section and newborns.  Sure I was a little rusty on breastfeeding and vaginal births, but I told myself that I knew enough to get by.  I was cocky and proud and had very little knowledge to back it up. 

I have been humbled, my friends.  This OB class has been fascinating, terrifying, emotional, amazing, frustrating, and the list goes on and on.  The craziest and most surprising outcome is...I'm not sure I want to be a L&D nurse anymore.  Let's review the circumstances of the semester that have lead me to this uncertanity:

- Shortly after the semester began, I found myself in an awkward, embarrassing and terrifying situation.  A "friend" of mine from school, stabbed me right in the back and turned into the dean of Nursing a study guide that I had gotten from a friend and sent out to my study group.  She was scared that the study guide contained test answers, and instead of coming to me to verify that it didn't, she just forwarded it to the dean of nursing....who then forwarded it to the dean of the whole school.  So nice of her, right?  I had several phone calls, meetings and emails with the Dean and was really never more terrified in my entire life.  Of course the worst outcome of this situation would be that I would've gotten kicked out of school and I (we) don't have a Plan B.  I prayed harder and more than I ever have in my whole life.  I knew God was in control of this situation and I was doing my best to open my eyes to the lessons he was trying to teach me throughout this struggle.  I learned a ton and I was exonerated of the academic dishonesty charge, with the charges being completely without merit.  Whew - glad that's over.  :)
- 1st vaginal birth - Amazing.  Didn't get sick.  I cried. 
- 1st c-section, I get VERY hot and have to leave the room.  Read: I thought I was going to pass out.  I really didn't have a problem watching the surgery, it was a combination of being hot, not being used to wearing a surgical mask and re-breathing my air and basically just sensory overlaod. 
- 2nd c-section goes great!  Much cooler OR and it was wonderful.
- 3rd c-section.  Repeat of 1st c/s.
- 2nd vaginal birth - not good for me. Saw the birth, did fine.  Did vitals on the newborn, did fine.  It was about 25 minutes after the birth that I felt ill.  Can't explain it and I probably was a little dehydrated everyday I was there, but I had to basically run to chug OJ, so I wouldn't pass out. 
- 4th c-section and 4th catheter insertion - I have a doctor standing over me and scolding me for doing it incorrectly.  That was fun.
- And last but not least, yesterday, our last day, was horrible.  Just horrible.

My final exam is next Thursday and I'm R.E.A.D.Y for summer break.  I can't even explain the difference in my attitude from 8 weeks ago to now.  I was a fool to think that I had OB in the bag.  It's hard...very hard.  It takes a lot to be a good OB nurse and a very strong stomach.  I haven't written OB nursing off, yet...but, I have so much to learn before I ever get to that point.  :)  I am grateful for these trying experiences over the past 8 weeks, they have taught me an incredible amount about myself and the kind of nurse I want to be.

Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. - 1 Corinthians 3:18